100 Conflicting Daily Thoughts I Have as a Feminist

November 05, 2015

Story by Kendall Siewert

Disclaimer: Minor Friday Night Lights spoilers ahead

1. Alarm clock goes off. Noooo, just five more minutes.
2. Alarm goes off again. I NEED SLEEP, PEOPLE.
3. Third time. Sh*t, now I don’t have time to get ready.
4. Whatever, f**k the patriarchy.
5. What does that even mean, anyway?
6. Wait, but my dark circles under my eyes are horrible.
7. Okay, I’ll just put on a little concealer.
8. And maybe mascara.
9. Ugh, I just poked myself in the eyeball with this mascara wand.
10. Why do women subject themselves to this sh*t? Society, AMIRITE, ladies?
11. But I do look a lot less tired. Makeup can hang.
12. Time for breakfast. I am seriously craving a bagel.
13. I’m not sure I should eat that many carbs this early.
14. Who cares? It’s my body and I think I look great.
15. Except for my thighs. Oh well.

16. OMG now I feel like really bloated.
17. I should not have eaten that bagel.
18. Whatever. Late for class.
19. Isn’t it annoying how guys can just walk into class late and legitimately hurdle over rows of seats to get the empty one in the middle?
20. I always am like sorry sorry sorry so sorry excuse me.
21. And then I just sit in the first one I find.
22. K, dude who just made that sexist comment. Calm down.
23. W/e not gonna let it bother me.
24. I’m not going to say anything.
25. Nope, nope, nope. I’m fine.
26. ALRIGHT, DUDE, FOR MY SANITY CAN YOU PLEASE JUST NO.
27. THANK YOU, kind girl with the braid, for playing the role of angry feminist today so I don’t have to. I salute you.
28. Are we ever going to read anything in this class written by women?
29. Or lesbian women?
30. Or minority women?
31. Or just like, anyone other than white, middle class, heterosexual men?
32. Okay, hungry again.
33. Walking to get food. Must eat food. Why am I so hungryyyyyy?
34. Damn, all these girls look so good.
35. Do they go to the gym? Should I be going to the gym more?
36. She has a thigh gap. That’s nice.
37. DAMMIT, I SHOULD NOT BE THINKING THESE THOUGHTS.
38. My body is beautiful and wonderful the way it is.
39. Except my thighs.
40. Dumpling cart FTW.
41. I would rather eat these dumplings all day than go to the gym.
42. Sorry.
43. Why am I avoiding eye contact with all these people when I walk?
44. One of these days this is going to cause a severe injury.
45. Ah, home sweet home. Goodbye, pants.
46. Netflix time.
47. Kinda wanna rewatch some Friday Night Lights.
48. HOW DID I NEVER REALIZE HOW SEXIST THIS SHOW WAS???
49. Like, all this rally girl sh*t? Nuh-uh, bruh.
50. ALSO, are you kidding me Coach?
51. Your wife has supported you throughout your entire career and now you won’t move ONCE for hers???
52. Now I feel like a terrible person for not remembering Coach’s wife’s name.
53. Tammy? Is it Tammy? What is Coach’s name anyway? Okay, at least I don’t know his either.
54. How is it already six?
54. I’m supposed to meet Drew for dinner at six thirty.
55. Don’t want to wear that.
56. Maybe if I suck in.
57. Spanx? Do those work?
58. I feel like they just compress my fat though.
59. No Spanx.
60. Jeans? A tee shirt? Why are all my clothes so tight?
61. A dress?
62. Boys have it so easy. They literally have like a grand total of 2 outfit combos to choose from.
63. Just gonna wear a dress.
64. I’m early.
65. Gonna check Tinder while I wait.
66. OMG DO THESE MEN HAVE MOTHERS?
67. I just had to Urban Dictionary a term in that last message and no.
68. Wait, a puppy.
69. Always swipe right for a puppy, folks.
70. That pasta Bolognese looks sooooo good.
71. But I had a bagel for breakfast.
72. And that one girl had a thigh gap.
73. Okay, I’m getting the Cobb salad.
74. Semi-ashamed right now, tbh.
75. Nope, Drew, you don’t have to walk me home.
76. Yeah, it’s dark, I know, but seriously, I’m really okay.
77. Mmmmmkay kinda wishing Drew had walked me home right now. The night is dark and full of terrors.
78. Yes, hello to you kind sir, thank you so much for that unwarranted “compliment” of my body.
79. I am sure that you too have a rockin’ bod.
80. Home again. Internet time.
81. Is this the same sexual assault case I read about yesterday?
82. No. A different one.
83. But actually, something should be done about this.
84. Oh, hello advertisements everywhere.
85. Yes, mostly naked women should definitely advertise a rental car service. That makes sense.
86. THIS IS NOT WHAT WOMEN LOOK LIKE.
87. THIS IS PHOTOSHOPPING, PEOPLE.
88. That salad I had was good and everything, but I just need like a little something sweet, you know?
89. I’ll just have a square of chocolate.
90. Nope, didn’t do it for me.
91. Should I eat ice cream?
92. But I had a bagel this morning.
93. But that girl had a thigh gap.
94. But I did have a salad for dinner . . .
95. But I didn’t go to the gym.
95. Bagel + lettuce = . . . ice cream?
96. Now that’s math that I can do.
97. Not that girls can’t do math, just me.
98. Lots of girls are math majors.
99. You do you, math major girls.
100. Oh, f**k it, I’m eating ice cream.

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