54 Thoughts I Have About My Body (Before 9:00 AM)
Art by Kirsten Hemrich
7:00am *alarm goes off*
Jesus Christ my eyes are swollen shut, I need, like, 10 more minutes of sleep.
Ugh no I don’t, I HAVE to wash my hair today, it’s been long enough.
I’m smelling ripe.
7:05am *emerge from bed*
4. It is physically painful to get out of bed, why are my knees sore?
5. Do I have arthritis? I’m 21, but I won’t count it out.
6. I should shave today, or I could wear jeans. Or leggings.
7. My boobs are definitely fuller than yesterday.
8. My period is on the horizon. Absolutely Perfect.
9. There is a fresh pimple on my chin. I’m definitely getting my period.
7:08am *go to bathroom and get in shower, but not before staring at the mirror for a good 10 mins.*
10. My beauty secret is for sure cystic acne.
11. Is a chemical peel worth the money?
12. What is a chemical peel?
13. Note to self: research chemical peel during class.
14. I should weigh myself, but if I do my whole day is ruined.
15. I’m getting my period soon, the number will be off. Plus I had a lot of vegetables last
night, and that’s like, all water…
16. No I won’t weigh myself…*weighs myself*
18. If we bottled the grease in my hair, maybe we wouldn’t have to rely on foreign oil so
19. When is an appropriate time to color my hair? 30? 25? Tomorrow?
20. SOAP IN MY EYES!!!!!!
21. This is it: shave or no shave?
22. Shave. Just my armpits though.
7:40am *dry off, pick out clothes for the day.*
23. Big Sweater to hide the bloat.
24. Leggings to show off the legs…
25. Definitely sending Shrek vibes to the universe.
26. This mirror is unforgiving.
27. Target, you did me so dirty.
28. Hair up or down?
29. If I wear it down it will get greasy faster.
30. Up it is.
8:00am *put on makeup*
31. My face is a pizza.
32. I should just go dairy free completely, my skin would be amazing.
33. Oh my god I love pizza though, and just straight melted cheese.
34. Can I fulfill all of my nutritional requirements for the day with just melted cheese? I’ll
throw in, like, a couple vegetables here and there.
35. This is the best idea I have ever had.
36. Honestly though, no complaints about the shape of my nose.
37. Ok, but would lip fillers be a huge mistake?
38. Yes. or No. Ok wait, yes.
39. Note to self: look up how much eyebrow tattooing costs.
40. My forehead lines are getting deeper.
41. I should figure out a neutral face that isn’t just a glare.
42. I love glaring at people though; I have to remain unapproachable.
43. F*** it, I’m wearing eyeshadow on a weekday.
44. And highlight.
45. Oh God. Oh well. It’s a look for sure.
8:45am *eat breakfast*
46. Maybe just some fruit and some coffee.
47. And a yogurt.
48. And a bagel. With cream cheese.
49. I need to go to the gym later anyway.
50. My body says water, but my head says iced coffee.
51. Iced coffee, always.
52. I’m so dehydrated, I’m not sure how I’m still alive at this point.
9:00am *leave for the class for which I did not do the reading*
53. Quick look in the mirror.
54. Ok damn I look good.