How Cynical Are You When It Comes to Love

February 25, 2019
Red question mark on an orange background
Art by Kirsten Hemrich

 

1.     Does the thought of Valentine’s Day make you wanna:

a.     Gag.

b.     Call up some girls and drink wine and talk about how you hate l*ve.

c.     “Boooo” at couples who show PDA on the street.

d.     Call up your partner and tell them how much you love them and how excited you are to spend the day with them.

 

2.     When you receive a compliment do you:

a.     Roast the person who gave it to you and call them a corny headass mess.

b.     Run away.

c.     Blush.

d.     Accept the compliment.

 

3.     Your idea of Romance is:

a.     Young money cash money.

b.     Romance is dead; bare minimum Twitter has won yet again.

c.     Something creative, but materialistic.

d.     Spending time together.

 

4.     When someone shows interest in you, you:

a.     Give the stank look.

b.     Run away and avoid the person at all cost even if you see a future with them.

c.     Collapse from shock.

d.     Flirt back.

 

5.     What are your feelings towards romantic movies/books/tv shows:

a.     I love them! They inspire me to never be a corny, headass mess...  

b.     I don’t associate myself with romantic things.

c.     They gives false hope and should all be destroyed.

d.     I’m not going to say I’m NOT capable of reciting The Notebook word for word.

 

6.     Are you likely to make the first move?

a.     Yes, so I can have all the power.

b.     No because sometimes when I’m drunk I think the person is really cute, but then it turns out they’re not so it’s a safety precaution.

c.     Hell no, I liked being chased.

d.     The concept of being “chased” is anti-feminist, and I don’t appreciate the construct of this question. I am not a dog or an object, I’m a human being.

 

7.     If you and your beau got in a heated argument you would:

a.   Stop talking to them, go to the club, and dance with someone else all night long.

b.   I don’t argue, I just cut you off.

c.   Wait for your S/O to apologize because you’re always right and they be trippin.

d.   Apologize right away.

 

8.     The most important thing in a relationship to you is:

a.    Suki suki time.

b.    What’s the deal with all these “labels” nowadays… what truly defines a “relationship” per se???

c.    Having a strong connection/appropriate things in common.

d.    Communication.

 

9.     Your friend is going through a really tough breakup— your advice is to:

a.    Go out and sleep with somebody else.

b.    I don’t put myself around people who believe in romantic relationships.

c.    Sneak into his house and steal all his utensils and comforters so the mutherf*cker won’t be able to sleep or eat without you.

d.   Take time to heal and love yourself.

 

10.  Do you think you need love in order to live a fulfilling life?

a.    Of course – how else will I have suki suki time?

b.    What is “love” per se and what exactly makes you capable of that?

c.    Love comes in so many different forms besides romantic. Love comes from family, friends, pets, professors and more. As long as I know who I ride for and who rides for me: I’m good.

d.    As long as I got myself I don’t need anyone else. Self-love is the most important type of love.

 

Results:

 

If you got mostly A’s: The truth is… you’re cynical ASF. But, that’s ok. So am I. Fuck love. Love can keep it’s corny, headass shit to itself because at the end of the day— all that truly matters is suki suki time. It’s time to stop giving bare minimum Twitter all the power and realize the power you have within yourself. My advice for you is start seeking a Sugar Daddy. All the benefits and none of the hassle. Look into it.

 

If you got mostly B’s: Uhm, b*tch why you so messy LOL? You need to make up your mind… do you want love? Or would you rather ride solo? Maybe you’re the type of person who wants love, but would rather ride solo. And that’s ok! But you’re definitely giving some mixed signals here... probably ‘cause you’re still caught up on that person who f*cked with your feelings so much you have no idea who you are anymore and what to do with the idea of “love”… (also me).

 

If you got mostly C’s: Let’s be real here you’re hopeless romantic at heart. You’re also a bit crazy... probably because it’s hard for a romantic out here on these streets. All anyone wants to do is PLAY. GAMES. What is “talking?” Why is everything “Netflix and chill?” I can tell you’re over it. All you trying to do is find someone to hold it down with. You’re trying to find someone WORTH slashing tires over. That time will come. For now… stop booing at couples on the street.

 

If you got mostly D’s: B*tch why you taking this quiz??? You clearly got it all together. You’re mature, believe in communication and have a helllaaa amount of self love. Of course you’re not cynical. In fact, I hope you find yourself a nice, good-looking, FAITHFUL S/O ASAP… and when you do— ask if they have a friend...

 

 

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