When reflecting on the theme for this cycle, I couldn’t help but think about my fear of falling in love. I have a fear of the unknown — my imagination runs wild at the thought of falling in love. If you looked at my playlist on any given day, you couldn’t tell if I was madly in love or burned by love. Sometimes I need both. I need sad songs to give me the language to feel whole heartedly and love songs to remind me of what love should feel like. This piece goes out to all the people falling in and out of love this fall season. Whether you are entering the warmth of cuffing season or bearing the cold of break up season, here are some songs to get you through the ebbs and flows of love.
Falling in Love
Side A: Warm Hearts Make Cold Nights Better
Track 1: “When I See You” by Fantasia
I put your picture on my mirror
Start to blush when somebody says your name
In my stomach there's a pain
See you walk in my direction
I go the other way
I start to stutter when I speak
Start to stand but my knees go weak
What's happening to me?
This brings me back to the early 2000s. I imagine myself with what feels like the biggest crush in the world. Somehow I have ended up with a picture on my mirror of this person. How did I get this picture? I have no clue. Maybe they were handing out photos of themselves? Maybe I took a picture with them and printed it out. How I got the picture is of little importance. What’s important is that they’re not my partner, yet they are already my everything. If your tummy is turnt all the way around because of someone special, play this song!
Track 2: “Solo” by Frank Ocean
We too loud in public then police turned down the function
Now we outside and the timing's perfect
Forgot to tell you, gotta tell you how much I vibe with you
And we don't gotta be solo
—
It's hell on Earth and the city's on fire
Inhale, in hell there's heaven
This is the feeling of being better together than apart. That moment you realize the ups and downs are better with them than without them. Send this to your partner who even when the world is falling apart in front of y’all being with them feels like heaven on earth.
Track 3: “II Most Wanted” by Miley Cyrus and Beyonce
Know we're jumpin' the gun, but we're both still young
One day, we won't be
Didn't know what I want 'til I saw your face
Said goodbye to the old me
Came out of nowhere, didn't give no warnin'
Pedal so heavy, like the two most wanted
This is the type of song you play in the car with the top down, arms hanging out the window, driving into the sunset. When you hear this song, you are Bonnie and they are Clyde. Or maybe you are Queen and they are Slim depending on the rendition you enjoy most. Regardless, you are riding until the wheels fall off.
Track 4: “Naked” by Ella Mai
…I need somebody who loves me naked
Someone who never asks for love but knows how to take it
Are you that somebody who sees a wall and breaks it?
Are you ready to fight just to see what's lost behind my flaws?
Can you love me naked?
I first fell in love with Ella Mai’s music my first year of high school. You know that one artist that that one person put you on to and despite that person not being in your life, you can’t let the artist go. This is that for me. Her music had a half life beyond the flesh. This song in its own right is beautiful. She speaks of a love that heals the unseen parts of you. We are told to wait to enter a relationship until we are healed from the hurt of yesterday so we can embrace the love of tomorrow. But maturing is realizing that some parts of you can’t be healed until you are in a relationship, but not just any relationship. May you find that person that sees all of you and loves you naked.
Track 5: “Best of My Love” by The Emotions
Demonstrating sweet love and affection
That you give so openly, yeah
The way I feel about you, baby, can't explain it
Want the whole wide world to see
Oh, but in my heart you're all I need
You for me and me for you (my love, my love)
Oh yeah, it's growing everyday, baby (my love, my love)
This is the type of love you put your heart and soul into. When you listen to this song, you transcend back into the 1970s. I see the hair that defies gravity and hear vocals that fill the room. This is the simple and feel good type of love. It’s sweet like honey on a warm biscuit. Tender like light rain on the window. It’s encompassing like the arms of a loved one wrapped around you. Let love radiate through you as you play this song on your next walk to class or next drive to that special person.
Track 6: “Tourniquet” by Zach Bryan
You've been stabbed in the back and the rest of your body
Won't you tell me where you're bleedin' from?
If you need a tourniquet or if you wanna turn and quit
Know that I'll be by your side
You bled your whole soul into things you can't control
In a world you'll never satisfy
I'll bandage up your body and your bones and your bad days too
Take care of the blood that your love runs through
As someone with an interest in the medical field this speaks to my anatomical heart. In this song, Zach Bryan put us back together with his play on words. Growing up I had an obsession with bandaids. If I got a shot, had a paper cut, or even the slightest boo-boo I needed a bandaid. I took pride in choosing the best design for my bandaid. I realized that the bandaid was less about the fashion statement or even fixing the issue underneath, and more of a visual reminder that everything was going to be alright. A bandaid can protect you from the outside world when you are at your most raw. Sometimes you need a person like you need a bandaid to hold you taut, shield you from the world and remind you that everything will be okay.
Falling Out of Love
Side B: Leaves Fall & So Do We
Track 1: “Not Gon’ Cry” by Mary J. Blige
I know there are no guarantees
In love you take your chances
But somehow it seems unfair to me
Look at the circumstances
Through sickness and health
'Til death do us part
Those were the words that we said from our heart
So now when you say that you're leaving me
I don't get that part
There are times that call for the tears, snot bubbles, and groaning. Then there are times where you decide that you have had enough and no more tears can be cried. What can you do if you have already been wronged far too many times and there’s simply no way to make it right anymore. If you’re there, fed up and unphased, this is the song for you.
Track 2: “Free Yourself” by Fantasia
I took a lot too much to handle
Until I can't take this game no more
This love thing is full of scandals
So you're welcome to walk
If you don't want me then don't talk to me
(If you don't want me then don't talk to me)
Oh, go ahead and free yourself
(Go ahead and free yourself, yeah)
You cannot convince someone that you love them, if they don’t even love themselves. Don’t hold them up. You can’t make someone love you the way that you deserve to be loved. Don’t hold yourself back. But what you can do is free yourself. When you are tired of the games and scandals and you have tried for far too long, let the love die, eyes cry, and free yourself from it all. As you open up your wings and set sail, let new love in for yourself.
Track 3: “Too Good at Goodbyes” by Sam Smith
I'm never gonna let you close to me
Even though you mean the most to me
'Cause every time I open up, it hurts
So I'm never gonna get too close to you
Even when I mean the most to you
In case you go and leave me in the dirt
But every time you hurt me, the less that I cry
And every time you leave me, the quicker these tears dry
And every time you walk out, the less I love you
Baby, we don't stand a chance, it's sad but it's true
Sometimes it’s easier to say goodbye than it is to say hello. Sometimes you’ll find that even as you get close to people, you keep your heart out of an arm’s reach. Sometimes you find yourself going about every encounter and entanglement with an exit plan. Planning makes the heart grow stronger.
Track 4: “A House is Not a Home” by Luther Vandross
A room is still a room, oh, even when there's nothin' there but gloom
But a room is not a house and a house is not a home
When the two of us are far apart
And one of us has a broken heart
Luther is asking true philosophical questions. At the heart, he is asking what is life without love. What is anything without the meaning you give it? Take that as you will. This song is for you if you are pining for them back. Or maybe this is for you if you are interested in making new meaning from something old.
Track 5: “Let it Go” by Summer Walker
I thought that I was changin' you
I can't believe I praised you (God damn)
You know your mama ain't raised you like that
Just look at your behavior
And that's why she ashamed of ya, damn
—
Look at what you've become (Become)
Matter fact, what you've been (Been)
I was just blind
I was just so in it (In it)
I was just so committed ('Mitted)
No, I don't regret it ('Gret it)
'Cause I learned what love is once I
—
Let it go
Whew child, this song has carried me through sometimes. When you are in a relationship, sometimes you can be too in it and too committed that you miss the warning signs. People always say, the way he treats his mother is how he will treat you. That said, start with his momma and see what you find. The signs that tell you to leave, end it, and move on.
Track 6: “My Little Love” by Adele
Tell me, do you feel the way my past aches?
When you lay on me, can you hear the way my heart breaks?
I wanted you to have everything I never had
I'm so sorry if what I've done makes you feel sad
I love your dad 'cause he gave you to me
You're half me and you're half daddy
Oh
I'm holding on (barely)
Mama's got a lot to learn (it's heavy)
I'm holding on (catch me)
Mama's got a lot to learn (teach me)
This one goes out to all of the children of separated parents. Momma was going through a lot yet she still found enough love to fill you up. This song represents a full circle moment for me as a young woman finally understanding what it is that my mother survived for me to thrive. I value that the relationship between my mother and I is synergistic, there is room to learn, grow, and heal together and from one another.
