In talking to my female-identifying peers, I’ve found that almost every one of them remembers a time when a man has said something so demeaning, sexist, or uncomfortable, that it has stuck with them for ages. The worst part about these comments is that the people who utter them don’t seem to realize how objectifying, insulting, or demeaning their comments are, or the harm they cause the subjects. To them, it’s “locker room talk” or “just a joke,” that we’re making too much of or taking too seriously.
And sure, maybe I’ve let some of these comments get to me more than I should, since they reveal more about their speaker than they do about their subject. But I don’t believe that feeling hurt and attacked by sexist comments makes me dramatic. There are still so many people who continue to say horrible things without understanding how problematic and harmful their statements are. So for illustrative purposes, I thought I’d compile a list of some of the heinous things (contextualized, for maximum impact) that have been said to people I care about. Because in a world where people so often complain about things being taken “out of context,” I think it’s more important than ever to show the ways context can hurt as much as it helps. What follows is a list of the most egregious, out-of-pocket examples of these comments, placed firmly in their contexts.
The Comment: “Just another liberal female looking to create a scare without foundation.”
The Context: She had written an article calling on UVA to be responsible for the safety of its students.
The Speaker: A 60-year-old man with a Confederate flag image on his Facebook profile made this comment. On a college opinion article.
The Comment: “You’re going to make a great housewife one day.”
The Context: She was making a plate for her grandmother at a family dinner.
The Speaker: Her unemployed brother.
The Comment: “My dad’s friend told me I should ‘fuck some fat fucking pigs [women] in college as long as I don’t get an STD.’”
The Context: She was studying at the library.
The Speaker: Someone she had literally never met before. After saying this, he asked her for her name.
The Comment: “I’ve been a feminist since 2016, but I’m not anymore because of you”
The Context: She told him he was drunk, and it was probably a good idea for him to go home and go to bed.
The Speaker: A male friend who had gone out to bars with her.
TW: Suicide
The Comment: “You’re like suicide to be around.”
The Context: She and her female best friend had been hanging out together.
The Speaker: Her best friend’s boyfriend.
The Comment: “Boys will be boys.”
The Context: She had been bullied for months for being a woman in a predominantly male STEM class.
The Speaker: A high-school physics teacher.
The Comment: “Oh, so you want to be a farmer’s wife?”
The Context: She told him she wanted to have a career in farming and agriculture.
The Speaker: A one-night stand.
The Comment: “You’re so fucking obnoxious to be around, you know that?”
The Context: She had made a joke about him following the crowd.
The Speaker: A fellow student she had met the day before.
The Comment: “If you want to be a lawyer you are going to have to have sex with your bosses.”
The Context: In her job as a bartender, she was making small talk with one of the patrons.
The Speaker: A random bargoer she had never met before.
The Comment: “Damn! I didn’t get any pussy.”
The Context: She overheard this after some guys came back from a boys’ night out, and they thought she was sleeping on the couch and didn’t know she could hear them.
The Speaker: A male friend.
The Comment: “I heard this bit about Shark Tank that was so funny: it’s like, you’re pitching a product aimed at men, so you go up to the table where the Sharks are sitting and you turn your back on the female Sharks and go “Hello, investors.”
The Context: Overheard a conversation in the New Cabell hallway. This was followed by immense laughter.
The Speaker: Random male college students.
