Juliana Callen
Juliana is a fourth year studying English and Art History. She enjoys knitting, oatmeal raisin cookies, and picnic spots in great locations.
Hot denim chokes thighs
While blissfully curled eyelashes
Flatline
I didn’t always think I had to eat. Like many college students, I had a very bad habit of not prioritizing my body and, if anything at all, eating was a reward.
I am not interested in being scared this Halloween. And yet, it appears that I am unable to escape the witching hour. As I turn the corner, I am greeted by a familiar haunting.
“Hang tight, man.”
Is what the doctor said to me before leaving to search for an ultrasound machine so they could make sure my ovaries hadn’t twisted and cut off their own blood supply.
It’s been five months since I’ve needed a morning alarm—awakening to light, not sound.
When I left in June, the last item I tucked away in the car was a tomato seedling--one of the near hundred that had sprung out of the earth unprompted during the weeks before. We hadn’t sown new seeds, yet they sprouted, ready to try again after last year’s failed harvest.
I considered the five-pound bag of frozen peas to be an investment, as I stood, double-masked, in a Costco aisle. And I still do. Buying frozen foods and nonperishables in bulk has saved me both time and money, but there are more reasons that I find myself braving the big-box warehouse during a pandemic.
A soft recovery is vulnerable. Fragile bones in gaunt skin, delicate like egg shells, stress the word wan. Weak.
As the Pinterest app opens on my phone, I appreciate the ease with which I can search and browse a seemingly infinite supply of thumbprint cookie recipes.
It was a late night and I found myself feeling particularly disheartened at the state of the world during these “unprecedented times.” So, in an attempt to cope, I turned on some tunes. But the tunes did not help.
I was in my bed, on the phone with him, and after roughly 15 seconds of silence he said to me: “Wanna know what I can’t stop thinking about?”
And I said,
“Yes,”
Because I always wanna know what he’s thinking about.
And he said,