“Wow, Chloe sure is being dramatic right now.” Let’s face it: maybe you like Taylor Swift, but that’s probably what you’re thinking based on the title of this piece. But, hear me out. Life is hard, and the last year has been especially burdensome for everyone. Taylor Swift, out of the blue, released two albums. These two albums felt like they were written for me, composed with my exact situation in mind. And, of course, they weren’t.
Taylor Swift helped me process my emotions. With every resonant lyric, she reminded me that other people felt the way that I did. And on top of that, she pretty much shouted “You’ll be better than okay some day.” There is not a single artist out there that has made me feel as seen as Taylor Swift has. Her ability to morph words into phrases that feel like warm arms wrapping me in a burgundy blanket is unmatched.
Taylor Swift helped me process my emotions. With every resonant lyric, she reminded me that other people felt the way that I did. And on top of that, she pretty much shouted “You’ll be better than okay some day.”
With that in mind, I pinned one (or two… or three) songs of Taylor’s to the last ten months of my life. Each both eerily, painstakingly, or happily true to the happenings of that specific month. The lyrics were also picked with care, as not every word in each song perfectly fit the feelings of that month. Sometimes, the bridge was what kept running through my mind. Occasionally it was the first verse, or the last. Here lie the last ten months of my life: written by Taylor herself.
June 2020
“Lover”
My heart’s been borrowed and yours has been blue
All’s well that ends well to end up with you
Swear to be overdramatic and true to my
Lover
July 2020
“This Is Me Trying”
Pulled the car off the road to the lookout
Could’ve followed my fears all the way down
And maybe I don’t quite know what to say
But I’m here in your doorway
I just wanted you to know
That this is me trying
…
They told me all of my cages were mental
So I got wasted like all my potential
And my words shoot to kill when I’m mad
I have a lot of regrets about that
August 2020
“Gorgeous”
You make me so happy, it turns back to sad
…
You are so gorgeous, it makes me so mad
September 2020
“Exile”
And it took you five whole minutes
To pack us up and leave me with it
Holding all this love out here in the hall
I think I’ve seen this film before
And I didn’t like the ending
October 2020
“Evermore”
I replay my footsteps on each stepping stone
Trying to find the one where I went wrong
Writing letters addressed to the fire
And I was catching my breath
Staring out an open window
Catching my death
And I couldn’t be sure
I had a feeling so peculiar
That this pain would be for
Evermore
November 2020
“Cardigan”
To kiss in cars and downtown bars
Was all we needed
You drew stars around my scars
But now I’m bleeding
‘Cause I knew you
Stepping on the last train
Marked me like a bloodstain
…
And when I felt like I was an old
Cardigan under someone’s bed
You put me on and said I was your
Favorite
and the bridge of “Death By A Thousand Cuts”
My heart, my hips, my body, my love
Trying to find a part of me that you didn't touch
Gave up on me like I was a bad drug
Now I'm searching for signs in a haunted club
Our songs, our films, united we stand
Our country, guess it was a lawless land
Quiet my fears with the touch of your hand
Paper cut stings from our paper thin plans
My time, my wine, my spirit, my trust
Trying to find a part of me you didn't take up
Gave you too much but it wasn't enough
But I'll be alright, it's just a thousand cuts
December 2020
“Illicit Affairs”
Make sure nobody sees you leave
Hood over your head
Keep your eyes down
Tell your friends you’re out for a run
You’ll be flushed when you return
Take the road less traveled by
Tell yourself you can always stop
What started in beautiful rooms
Ends with meetings in parking lots
…
You showed me colors you know I
Can’t see with anyone else
…
You taught me a secret language
I can’t speak with anyone else
And “Out of the Woods”
Looking at it now
It all seems so simple
We were lying on your couch
I remember
…
The rest of the world was black and white
But we were in screaming color
…
Looking at it now
Last December
We were built to fall apart
Then fall back together
…
But the monsters turned out to be just trees
When the sun came up you were looking at me
January 2021
“Tolerate It”
I wait by the door like I’m just a kid
Use my best colors for your portrait
Lay the table with the fancy shit
And watch you tolerate it
…
If it’s all in my head tell me now
Tell me I’ve got it wrong somehow
I know my love should be celebrated
But you tolerate it
…
I made you my temple, my mural, my sky
Now I’m begging for footnotes in the story of your life
…
Gain the weight of you then lose it
February 2021
“Hoax”
Your faithless love’s the only hoax
I believe in
Don’t want no other shade of blue
But you
No other sadness in the world would do
As well as “Last Kiss”
I do remember the swing of your step
The life of the party, you're showing off again
And I roll my eyes and then you'd pull me in
…
And I'll go
Sit on the floor wearing your clothes
All that I know is I don't know
How to be something you miss
…
And I hope the sun shines and it's a beautiful day
And something reminds you you wish you had stayed
You can plan for a change in the weather and time
But I never planned on you changing your mind
And a special guest appearance from “Cardigan”
A friend to all is a friend to none
Chase two girls,
Lose the one
When you are young they assume you know nothing
March 2021
“Clean”
You’re still all over me
Like a wine stained dress I can’t wear anymore
Hung my head as I lost the war
And the sky turned black like a perfect storm
Rain came pouring down while I was drowning
and “Death By A Thousand Cuts”
I dress to kill my time
I take the long way home
I ask the traffic lights if it'll be alright
They say ‘I don't know’
And what once was ours is no one's now
I see you everywhere
The only thing we share
Is this small town
You said it was a great love
One for the ages
If the story's over
Why am I still writing pages?
Okay and “Right Where You Left Me”
I swear you could hear a hair pin drop
Right when I felt the moment stop
Glass shattered on the white cloth
Everybody moved on
I, I stayed there
I’m grateful that Taylor holds my heart in the way that she does. I hope that the next few months feel like “Daylight” to me. I want, in the approaching year, to define myself by “the things that I love, not the things I hate, not the things that I’m afraid of.”
