I was pretty certain that being the eldest child in the family was the cheat code to life. The autonomy, the lessened supervision, and not having to fetch water for yourself when thirsty—after all, that’s why siblings exist.
Sooner or later, I ended up realizing there was no safety net to catch me. I was only expected to survive the drop, and this was especially the case for me as an immigrant. Leaving for college forced an abrupt self-reliance and sharp realization that I would have to navigate things alone.
I spent my first two years of college forsaken in the logistics of pre-med. Having the ambition to be a doctor was the easy part. But the journey felt completely unmapped and jarring as I scrambled for opportunity. That culminated in a fruitless job-hunting summer following my first year. It turns out that if you begin searching in May when school ends, you are already too late. Why did nobody tell me this? Where can I find someone to tell me these things? I pivoted to what I could control, and at the very least I could provide my free labor to a local hospital. I absolutely despised the only job I could land and quit within two days. By midsummer, any hope of progress had completely evaporated.
If Orgo had taught me one thing, it was that a reaction requires a catalyst and an activation energy.
Unfortunately, that uncertainty and inconsistent routine began to engulf my second year. I’d like to untangle my hatred for Fall 2025 by admitting I was purely procrastinating and directionally challenged. Orgo 1 tends to have that effect on you. I usually hate having nothing to do, but winter break provided an essential pause to mentally reset. If Orgo had taught me one thing, it was that a reaction requires a catalyst and an activation energy. Otherwise, two stable objects may forever not react, even if they sit next to one another in a beaker. My ambition was raw potential sitting inert inside the flask. I lacked the catalyst, the ability to take initiative. It was really an issue rooted in my mindset up until Catalyst A’s trajectory was aimed straight for me in late December.
If you don’t ask, the answer is always no.
I hold Catalyst A deep in my heart. Catalyst A is a TikTok creator. He interviews rich people on the street and usually they’re old white men, which is hard for me to find a connection to. I had since expected the same predictable faces in every video until I came across the same interviewer, only this time talking with this beautiful, bold woman rocking her pixie cut and capris. You could feel the weight of her confidence radiating through your screen. She spoke so eloquently and promptly, you knew she meant business.
Then she dropped a phrase that caught me entirely off-guard: “Closed mouths don’t get fed.” She explained it immediately before I got the chance to process it: You can’t wait around for opportunities to find you because passively waiting is a losing game. If you don’t ask, the answer is always no. The 99th application may not be an acceptance, but the 100th application may secure your future.
It sounds absurd to think a 30-second TikTok video changed the trajectory of my life, but I see it as a testament that small ripples can make big waves. Consequently, I made it my genuine goal to rewire my thinking. Interviews were no longer this dreaded assessment of my character and skillset. I actually ended up enjoying a couple as a result, especially the one I had for Iris. I networked, I abandoned my introvert shell for a bit, I stepped out of my comfort zone. I was honest, I was vulnerable.
In an effort to earn quick cash, I had ended up frequently participating in a multitude of psychology studies the semester before. That streak came to an end when a random woman stopped me as I was walking out of my first session, only to inform me that this “new” study wasn’t new at all. It was just worded differently for the spring semester. You may imagine my utter disappointment as an unemployed college student when I was told I could not participate further.
The beauty in sharing your life story to a complete stranger is that the stranger might just end up being the head research coordinator of the lab you wish to join, PhD and all.
My dismay must have been painfully apparent, because she asked me if I genuinely enjoyed participating that much. Bluntly, I confessed that I was looking for a job as a researcher, and that I was really intrigued by the science behind the studies. The beauty in sharing your life story to a complete stranger is that the stranger might just end up being the head research coordinator of the lab you wish to join, PhD and all. That conversation may turn into networking, followed by a formal job offer.
I don’t think I’ve kept my mouth shut ever since.
It is crucial to note that a reaction can have multiple catalysts. If Catalyst A was the inspirational TikTok, Catalyst B was myself, and more specifically, my newfound ambitions. I stopped calling myself a chud (Gen-Z slang for a loser for those unfamiliar), I stopped taking rejections so personally, especially if the email lacks a simple “Dear Madina” and contains the word “regretfully.” I know you guys don’t regret it.
This is not to say I have completed metamorphosis and have everything figured out. I am not perfect, I don’t have the ultimate solution. What I do have is a shifted outlook on life and how I choose to live it. There are still days I procrastinate and refuse to do my dishes like I marked on my Google Calendar, three days ago.
Mindset provides the internal alchemy, while your voice provides the force, kickstarting the experiment.
For as long as your mouth stays shut, the genius and innovative thoughts do nothing but haunt you until you finally speak up. Mindset provides the internal alchemy, while your voice provides the force, kickstarting the experiment. Alone, alchemy remains stuck in your head, the closed beaker.
I’m not really sure why it took me so long to come to this realization, despite being reminded throughout my life. The slogan of the Nike shoes I wore since I was a toddler: Just Do It. The slang during my middle school days was #YOLO. Then, the antagonist of the Disney movie Coco quite literally told us to “seize the moment.”
At the very least, I do know that my younger siblings are fortunate to have in me the mentor I wish I had had when I was their age. I will do everything in my power to teach them the importance of taking risks. That is the ultimate perk and honor of being the eldest.
The worst someone can say is no. You can hold all the answers in your head, but until you speak it into a room, they merely remain as an unproven theory, a numbing what if?
