When I think of rejection, I think of my worth: am I truly less worthy because one person said no to me? As a perfectionist, I used to feel rejection like a punch in the gut. I used to believe that rejection meant I hadn’t worked hard enough or wasn’t good enough. However, I’ve learned that being told no is a natural part of life.
Here are five steps I’ve taken to cope with rejection.
1. I think of rejection as redirection. Even if I am sad, I eventually try to turn that negativity into positive energy. After giving myself some time for sadness, it can be helpful to think something like “was that job meant for me if they didn’t want me?” or “can I find an opportunity better than this?” The answer is almost always yes.
When I applied to my dream job at a daycare, I didn’t get it. After that rejection, I applied for a job at a very popular seafood restaurant in my hometown, which I got. I met my best friends there, and working in the service industry shaped me into who I am today. I was sad for a while after I got rejected from the first job, but in the end, I got the job that was meant for me.
2. I remember that rejection creates space to grow. We all need time to grow and learn about ourselves, and rejection can help us do that. I got rejected from a job shadowing an attorney, and after reflecting, I realized that pursuing law was probably not for me. That was an okay realization to have, especially as a young person with plenty of time to reflect and grow ahead of me.
3. Rejection has led me to explore paths I’ve previously ignored. I once rejected an extracurricular opportunity for one I thought would look good on my resume. I turned down a political podcast club because I was so adamant I would get into a prestigious research club instead. I did not get into the latter club. I instead got rejected and realized it was not right for me.
So I joined the political podcast, and I realized it fit my interests much more than the research club. With the political podcast, I can still do research with amazing people who share my interest in politics. I also learned how to produce podcasts, which I never thought I would be able to do.
4. Getting a “no” instead of a “yes” has helped me to not compare my journey to others’. One of the hardest parts about rejection is watching other people get what I wanted. I feel tempted to compare my abilities to theirs. When I applied to be an Orientation Leader at UVA, I was rejected and watched one of my friends get the position. I was upset and briefly compared myself to him, but then I realized that he is more extroverted than I am. Eventually, I realized that his success did not take away from mine and I had my own unique skills.
5. Thanks to rejection, I keep trying for new opportunities. Being rejected can make me feel scared to put myself out there again. But I know that if I let the fear of rejection stop me from trying again, I could miss opportunities that were made for me. I have learned that it is better to try and hear “no” than to never try because I was afraid of the answer. When I applied to be a writer for another club, they told me no at first. Then they got to see my writing and appreciated that I write differently than others. I found Iris as well, and it helped me branch out and write what I want to.
Keep applying, keep joining, keep creating, and keep putting yourself out there. Rejection will still hurt, and I do not think we will completely outgrow that feeling, but we can learn to carry it differently. When in doubt, just keep swimming (and pursuing paths that might say yes!).
