This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
We sit across from each other, hands wrapped around our warm lavender mochas—almost mirror images of each other. Two infectious smiles stretch across our faces as we talk about the same subjects for the 100th time. We never tire, always finding something new to say.
My mom and I could sit and talk for hours about nothing of real importance—and still I know she’d listen with the same caring attentiveness even after the hundredth hour. Sometimes it’s just nice to hear her voice and be in her presence. The love we share is infinite. I am thankful to share a relationship with my mother that is so open and rewarding. I would not be where I am today without my mom—the sweetest, kindest, and most caring figure in my life. My number one supporter. I hope you can get a taste of who she is from our short coffee chat.
Ella: What makes being my mom enjoyable?
Ella’s Mom: You might not think so but I do like going shopping with you. You're always willing to do whatever. You're always ready. You always have a new place you want to go out and try which I love to do. I love the markets that we go to and when we get our coffee and chit chat. We could talk for hours. Those are my fun times. It could be anywhere, but when we're out and about that’s a bonus. I like how you're open with me and trust me because a lot of people don't have that with their child.
What was your relationship with your mom like and how has our relationship helped you understand her better?
I would come home from a date or being out with a friend and she'd always be up on the couch. Every time I walked in, she would be sitting there because we didn't have phones back then. She would just want to know I was okay and that I got myself home. I understand that now. Like no matter what time it was, she would still be sitting there. My mom and I were pretty similar to you and I. We would go and have our coffee and talk. She was a good listener. I think I'm a pretty good listener.
Have any of our conversations particularly stuck with you?
We've had so many Ella. I remember talking to you a lot after [your first breakup] and getting you through all that stuff. I actually cried when you guys first broke up because I knew you were hurting and I hated that. Now that you're older, I'm not as connected. I'm still connected, but it was different since you were so young. And then when you got into UVA it was fun experiencing that with you and talking to you throughout your first year. It was fun meeting all of your new friends. I liked all those conversations. There's so much more I could go on and on about!
When's the first moment that you felt like a mom?
I felt like a mom pretty much when you were born, because when you're pregnant, you wonder, “am I going to be a good mother?” And then when you're born and you have to be fed, bathed, and your life pretty much depends on me taking care of you, I mean, I felt like a mom. You're a little human being, you know. It’s serious. You have to teach a child everything. It goes into how my mom raised me and then you kind of put that into your kid but you also have your own input and new ways of doing things. You have your own personality, everybody is different.
How do you see parts of yourself in me and then what are some of those areas that you would distinguish as my own personality?
We have our little giggle. Yeah, my grandma had that. You get excited about all of the little things. I'm that way. Which is good. You’re also very loyal and you give a lot to all of your relationships with friends or whoever. You've taught me how to be more giving. I'm not as much of a giver and my dad wasn't either.
What else has being my mom taught you?
You really have to be patient. But I also think it’s hard when you guys turn eighteen because you're still a kid. You still have to learn things. It's hard to let go [and let you] live your life and maybe fail. Obviously we want you to succeed. But I mean, you learn from failures. So you have to make your own decisions, we can't tell you everything anymore.
How does it feel viewing your past self in tandem with my growth?
I’m excited and happy for you. I remember how much fun I had in my 20s. So I want you to experience the same thing.
Do you think your 20 year old self would be good friends with me?
I would think so. I'm not as smart as you but I think we’d connect with [our fashion sense and love for clothes]. I would always think outside the box with what I would wear or I would have a twist on something. I think we'd get along just having fun and talking. Yeah, I think we would be friends.
Would you like to leave us with a piece of advice as a mom?
I have no advice for you Ella! I think you're confident and you should be. You're beautiful. I was always negative towards myself and the way I looked. Looking back I don’t know why. Your aunt and I look at pictures and I go “look we were hot!” And I think you already know this, but don't waste your time and energy on people who don't want to be around you. I think that you taught me that more than I taught you that. Also try not to sweat the small stuff. I think you're living your best life Ella. I wouldn't change much about it. You still have stuff to learn. We all do. I'm still learning at 56. I think kids are strong and will flourish if they know they have support and love. That's what I think, when they know they're loved. If they don't have parents, it can be their grandparents or aunt and uncle, you know, it could be anybody.
