Author's Note: I recently had the pleasure of sitting down to chat with the author of Ten Ways to Make Your Life Your Canvas, Love Letters? and He Calls Her Barbie, for short: Carley Frajda. Before our interview, I thought long and hard about the questions I wanted to ask her. Yet, once our interview started, what Carley spoke about proved to be far more interesting than my original questions. Throughout our discussion of her favorite tattoos, what she’d like to say to her younger self, and her fashion inspiration, I came to see how Carley’s creativity, bold spirit, and unique talent serve not just as a catalyst for her brilliant writing, but as a guide to her life. So, instead of the question-and-answer format I had originally planned for, here is a cheat sheet for anyone who wants to learn a few of Carley’s keys to life.
Lean into what speaks to you. In Carley’s case, this often includes tattoos. Her most recent tattoo is Snoopy on a Vespa, which she got during a visit to Rome. Although iconic, it’s not necessarily her favorite. That title belongs to her tattoo of the fool tarot card which symbolizes new beginnings, and new adventures. She surely isn’t afraid of trying new things, at least not of new tattoos. Her list went on as she pointed the art out to me: “Most of mine don’t have a lot of meaning. This one I got because I liked it. This one is also kind of random. That one was pretty random. This one I got with one of my best friends. This one I got just ‘cus I liked the look of it. That one…” Not every work of art has to have a profound message, but it is meaningful if it brings you joy.
Stay grounded in the present. Carley says that tattoos have taught her that “once something happens, just let it go.” Sometimes it’s best to stop for a moment and release the things out of your control. Yoga is one way Carley has been able to do this. She reflected on the grounding exercises she had practiced the morning of our interview, remembering that her yoga instructor had guided the class to stay focused on the present, rather than to spend too much time thinking about the future or the past. The best way to live life is to face forward, not to dwell on what’s behind you.
Draw inspiration from what you see around you. Carley doesn’t have a singular fashion icon, but instead takes inspiration from various celebrities, interesting clothing items, and even strangers she sees as she goes about her day. “I was told the other day that I dress like a lesbian farmer. That’s not a specific person but I was flattered…[but] I feel like it adds up.” She has recently been experimenting more with her style as she has started going to raves. From how she describes it, they seem like a big fashion show, giving her an opportunity to be inspired by other fashionable ravers. Exploring new interests can inspire you in ways you never expected.
Share the things you enjoy with those you love. Like many of us, Carley used to be shy about sharing her music taste. Now, she enjoys being on aux. Becoming comfortable in herself has also helped her become comfortable in the things she takes an interest in, music especially. “I like people to know my music taste. I really like my taste.” There’s no need to hide the things you like.
Don’t save good things for later. Carley reflects on how she used to put off certain things, like wearing a nice outfit, for some unidentified time in the future. “I used to do this thing where I would pick out a really good outfit and not wear it because I was saving it for the right moment. Now, I just wear it so I have to come up with something better tomorrow.” Instead of waiting for the right occasion, Carley creates them for herself. If you push things off for too long you might not get to experience them.
- Calm down! This was Carley’s response when I asked what advice she would give to her younger self. She told me how, after graduating high school, she experienced immense anxiety about what her life would look like when she got to her middle ages, stressing about the possibility of not having the life she wanted. Now, she would tell herself: “First of all, that’s so far away. Also, the bar doesn’t need to be so high for everything. Just enjoy life and find out what you actually want, not what you’re told you’re supposed to [want].” Over the years, Carley has figured out what works for her, no longer fearing what will happen 10 or 20 years from now. From fashion to tattoos to writing, she has learned to embrace what brings her joy in life, not letting herself be consumed with how things will work out. She no longer spends her time trying to check the boxes of what people expect of her. Now, Carley simply focuses on what she wants. No one knows how to live your own life better than you.
To read Carley's feature on Bailey, see "Five Tips for Creating Calm at Home: Learning from Bailey Middleton".
