remember your daydreams of losing control? now you daydream and nightdream of getting it back. remember when the world was on the cusp of catastrophe, the brink of beauty, the edge of ecstasy?? remember, when the feeling fills your hollowed body from head to toe, don’t squeeze it out of your pores, don’t choke it out of your throat, don’t let it paralyze you this time. walk your mind, you won’t get lost because #~*! ave. has no crosswalks, no signs, no exit. follow the sheep —- oh shit they forgot how to hurdle; they’re scraping their knees on neglected pavement. share your box of peppa pig bandaids and move on.
when the elevator doors split at the third floor to reveal the stars lost in space, tell yourself that you only ever knew the big dipper anyways. when the moon’s light dims, when her voice breaks and her craters shed, think: it’s a good thing they hologramized her six months ago — the people like her better smooth-skinned anyways.
don’t ask why, don’t ask how, and don’t dare ask about the ending. the funeral is friday and the coffin is freshly shined cherry wood with a velvet interior. but they procrastinated the catering so i suppose we’ll be eating popcorn and jellybeans off paper plates at my goodbye party.
do you still love me? i think i’m supposed to feel something. sometimes it’s easier to go along with things than admit i don’t know. pull me back in, duct-tape my eyes — i’ll wait for my thoughts to disappear. i’m okay with anything except this.
do you remember what it’s like to breathe? air in, air out, give in, give up.
freefall
