I just bought a dining table for my apartment. It is two months into the school year and almost half a year since my lease started. Why the delay? In part procrastination and the unpredictability of Facebook Marketplace, but really? It felt kind of pointless. Why should I buy a piece of furniture I’ll only use for 9 months?
College is like that dining table. From the moment you enter, you are aware of how temporary it is. Most people spend four years at whatever school they go to before heading off into the ‘real’ world (as if college isn’t a real place, too). But you still get attached to the place and the people. Then fourth year comes around, and things happen for the last time, and you are afraid of having to leave in a few months. Which is why grad school exists.
College is like that dining table. From the moment you enter, you are aware of how temporary it is.
That last line is mostly a joke, but nonetheless, when I think about my post-grad plan (please don’t ask me about this or I will combust), location is central. In fact, it’s been on my mind throughout the last year. Over the summer, my family moved from my childhood home in Northern Virginia to a house in Baltimore, Maryland. Overall, this is a really good thing, but it feels strange that when I go home for winter break—my last winter break—it will not be in the place I grew up. Near the people I grew up with. Every time I want to send something to the new house, I check my old texts to confirm the address; I don’t know it by heart yet. I’ve only spent about 9 days there in total. Is this enough to call it home?
My biggest fear for post-grad life, even more so than not having any stability, is losing all of the wonderful relationships I cultivated over the past few years. I don’t know for certain if they will survive without a location to hold them down. What if they float away like balloons cut loose from their string?
My childhood home is gone, and my home away from home will be by this time next year. Not to be dramatic or anything, but where do I go from here? How do I stay connected to people when they’re no longer physically close to me? How do I make another home?
My childhood home is gone, and my home away from home will be by this time next year.
Location was central to the formation of my friendships. The random chance that we were in the same place at the same time and met. How will they last when we are all spread across the country like the fluffy seeds from a dandelion puff being blown away?
I spent most of last year in the same house with the same 6 people. Only for this year to be back in person. As I interact with so many more people, part of me wonders: why should I make an effort to build relationships that will be drastically different when we all leave? Why should I put down roots?
Long before we left the old house, my dad planted a ginkgo tree in the front yard. It was a tiny little sapling, firmly rooted in the earth. We couldn’t take it with us when we left. Driving by the house after we moved, I saw that the new owners had gotten rid of it. I wonder why they pulled it up. And where it is now. I’m scared I will become it.
