“You’re too little,” my cousin Kelsey said, pushing my cousins and me out of the Green Room at my grandpa’s house before she slammed the door and locked it. She, my brother, and my other cousin were watching the video to “Helena” by My Chemical Romance (MCR), which in all honesty is a bit creepy. They were in the middle of their pre-teen emo phase. Kelsey, Jackie, and Berkley all had a variation of side bangs. All three wore skinny jeans and studded belts. Jackie and Kelsey were just beginning to work out exactly how to wear *thicc* eyeliner. Sydney, Marley, and I were forced to retreat to the basement to plot our turn on the computer when we would inevitably play “Total Eclipse of the Heart” by Bonnie Tyler, per my request.
My Chemical Romance was the emblem of being cool. Berkley would play their song “Dead” on Guitar Hero II when I could never get past the easy version of “Surrender” by Cheap Trick because my fingers didn’t span across the buttons. I always associate MCR with Runescape and Myspace as well because I would watch Berkley play for hours at a time as The Black Parade played on a loop. When he and his sixth-grade girlfriend broke up, he had the audacity to send her “I Don’t Love You” (Berkley, you are such a jerk).
As odd as it sounds, MCR feels like the soundtrack of our friendship. I needed this reunion.
I like to think that I willed the MCR reunion into existence. For the past year, I have returned back to My Chemical Romance on a loop whenever I’m feeling particularly angst-y or nostalgic. Berkley has always been my best friend, and as he is coming into his last year at UVA, I’ve been a bit sentimental. As odd as it sounds, MCR feels like the soundtrack of our friendship. I needed this reunion.
In many ways, I am the stereotypical younger sister. I always followed his lead and wanted to be interested in whatever he was. He was and still is one of the most influential figures in my life, and though I’ve developed my own person, I know I still seek that affirmation of being cool to him, too, in some ways.
I’ve always been painfully shy. UVA has definitely helped me branch out, but I still have the hardest time making friends. I know it’s a “me” problem because this university is filled with wonderful people, but it’s still a thing I struggle with a lot. My brother and his girlfriend have been my friends (and I have been their constant, unapologetic third wheel), and my chest gets tight whenever I think about next year when I will be really alone (cue the Spongebob “alone, alone, alone” echo from the SB-129 episode). I usually end up taking a dramatic walk around grounds, stomping to “I am not afraid to keep on living/I am not afraid to walk this world alone” from “Famous Last Words.”
I think that’s why I keep going back to My Chemical Romance. Part of me is going through that identity crisis that preteens went through with MCR. I can feel that weird, uncomfortable self-analysis coming.
It was the hardest decision for me to come to UVA. I was the kid that always got homesick in the middle of a sleepover and cried until my mom picked me up (because for some irrational, morbid reason, I thought my parents were going to die without me, and I couldn’t handle that in the second grade, sorry Nicole). My best friends are also my cousins, Sydney and Marley, and being without them is like being without part of myself. I think that’s why I keep going back to My Chemical Romance. Part of me is going through that identity crisis that preteens went through with MCR. I can feel that weird, uncomfortable self-analysis coming.
I’m really excited about this reunion tour because I actually feel like a participant with this band rather than the observer I was when I was younger. As Runescape changed to Skyrim, Volcum to American Eagle, and skateboarding to basketball for Berkley, I just wonder where I will be in a year.
