i’ve always found small towns an interesting concept. to have everyone know you throughout your life, see your best moments, and hardest tragedies.
I mean, this environment is what I craved, being from a large metropolis, when looking at my future. and now here i am in charlottesville. a small city technically but when thinking about the space, U V A. it’s a small town. the “academical village,” oh so mighty. not really but there are so many people that can know you without you knowing them here.
there’s a feeling of finally experiencing something you’ve waited a long time for, that adrenaline rush to feel excitement and nervousness. because there is a what-if moment, asking yourself, “am i dreaming?” well of course you could be, for even our wildest dreams can haunt us. i want to say that i am starting to feel the melancholy that comes with the ending of a journey. how can you hold onto something that was never truly yours?
this space we occupy is not ours, as it follows a timeline of existence. the small moments we pick up at each stop in our life, taking as long or as minuscule of a blink of the eye as it needs. i can wait [that’s what we should tell ourselves] for what is coming up next. i am in no rush to fast forward to the next part of my life, even though i could escape the pain now. who says it will not follow me?
connection offers so much warmth, vis-à-vis the comfort culture you create with something or someone. that is the feeling i get when leaving a large metropolis and entering a small town, like Stars Hollow. the infamous hometown of Rory Gilmore. that is what i imagined i should strive for as a student. i never truly felt comfortable at school, but instead found it in shows, so i could escape.
i yearned for the same experience whenever i saw a show about teenagers. i wanted to find that sense of “normalcy.” i grew up going to the same all-girls school for seven years. there was no growth, just additional pain that kept building until i graduated. and now that i’m about to graduate college, in the middle, i can say i’m still searching for that something. i just want something that can give me peace for a longer period of time, or one that feels like it
because i’ll follow.
